As we crip walk our way into the new year, TWC is in a great place. We ended 2014 with a massively fun show in Indy, a little N64 Golden Eye in the hotel room followed by an after party that got shut down by the po-po. Here’s a little Before & After collage…
Then 2015 began with a Podcast interview focusing on the history of the band (check it out!)…how far TWC has come…how hard it was…and some of our milestone accomplishments over our 12 years together. It gave me a chance to spend some time thinking about all the former band members & Fly Girls over the year who got us where we are. “What a long, strange trip it’s been!” This band owes so much to all the players along the way. I’m honestly lucky as hell to be able to look back on each lineup over the years and have such great memories. There was never a time when I considered this “work”. It’s truly been a great ride. But I digress.
Last Saturday we had a show at Joe’s Bar which is where we started back in 2002. We always look forward to Joe’s shows because it’s such a great venue and we have such history there. We weren’t let down. It was an awesome crowd, a great time we even had a booty shake contest that was so lopsided that in the middle of the contest we dropped the mic and called it off before some of the contestants could even go. This girl straight up crushed it. It was over before it even began.
As if starting the year at Joe’s Bar isn’t “comin’ out of the gate swingin’” enough, we’re at two of our other favorite northern Illinois joints this weekend – Giovanni’s in Rockford this Friday and Austin’s Fuel Room this Saturday.
Start your year with some mad booty poopin’!
If you’ve always wanted to be a Fly Girl, and you’ve got the skills to back that thang up, Too White Crew’s new “Guest Fly Girl” nights are for you! And the next one is at Joe’s on Weed St. this Sat., 1/3!!
It goes like this:
1) Contact us at “411 at toowhitecrew dot com” (figure it out; trying to avoid bots) and let us know you’re interested
2) We’ll talk about your creds and which one or two songs you’d like to do
3) We’ll send you YouTube links to the choreography
4) Practice. Do squats and crunches. Repeat.
5) Get your free “Got Back?” wife beater
6) Hang out with us backstage and be a part of the band for the night
7) Bum rush our stage with all your friends in the crowd and live the dream!
Start 2015 by Bustin’ a Move with TWC!
We’ve survived a lot of shit in our 12 years together, not the least of which has been roughly 50 nights in Peoria, but honestly I’m a little scared of this next Crusens show this Saturday, Dec. 6th because each of the following leads to doing more stupid shit than usual in Peoria. And we’re already at the maximum allowed by law. Allow me to break it down:
1) It’s the 7th annual Booty Shake World Championships. This is serious stuff. If we weren’t so respectful of all things holy, we’d call it a twerk contest these days. But’s it’s not. It’s a damn booty shake contest. In fact, we’re so militant about this contest’s honor that last year, the title belt was withheld because our officiant Big D, in conjunction with the crowd, determined NO contestant emerged as having the most superior posterior. So the belt has been idle for one year and is being retrieved from our safety deposit box at Chase, because we chase what matters. Which is world class booty. So if you have one, bring it to Crusens. If you win, you get a crisp hunnit dolla bill, the title belt for one year, mad bragging rights and the right to defend your title at the 2015 championships. Here’s a lil video to get you ready.
2) It’s PopTart’s birthday. This little pistol can tilt a fo’ty like it’s her Jay Oh Bee. Oh wait. It kinda is. So be a pal and tilt one back with her.
3) It’s our 12 year anniversary. Normally we would have this party at Joe’s on Weed St, which is where it all began, but our Joe’s show isn’t until January, so what better place to celebrate our dirty dozen years years together than at our home away from home, P-town.
4) Boone’s Farm Jello Shots. This is where the pain sets in. Strawberry Hill Jello Shots are all the rage…in our minds. In fact, we invented this nightmare-in-a-cup and we can’t wait to see how bad of an idea this really is.
5) All the usual suspects will be on hand: Big D, DJ McFly, Power 92.3, our own David Da Legend Ingram, P-tugz and maybe even our Extremely Worthless Posse or a couple spare Fly Girls will show up to fill in some seats on the Blue Bomb.
6) The after party. Because it wouldn’t be Peoria without a trip downtown to risk a disco ball falling on us and some life-threatening late night food. So we’ll see you at Berlin, and then, well, you know.
7) To wrap this all up in a nice little bow, we took Friday night off so we can rack up the sleep that we will not get Saturday night. We also took next weekend off, which should help us wrestle Peoria’s time-release hangovers.
The 32nd annual Turkey Testicle Festival in Huntley, IL is back this Wednesday and it’s sure to be as gross…and as packed…as ever. This isn’t just a festival name designed for shock value. They serve balls. Fried turkey balls. $5 for a cup of them if you must know. And this “one night only” Black Wednesday ballfest has attracted thousands of people every year for 32 years now.
I’d like to think it’s because of the entertainment or maybe because people are looking for any reason to dodge batshit crazy relatives who came home for the holiday…not because they’re jonesin’ for fowl nuts. But it looks like I’m wrong because they order 1200 POUNDS of this nastiness and it snot because they throw it away at the end of the night. People are EATING THIS SHIT.
Whatever the reason, people come to this thing from all over and they booze themselves silly. Probably to help choke down those golden brown, deep fried turkey testicles. Check out the pics from the last time we balled there. See what I did there?
So anyway, here’s the dealio.
It’s an all day thing in a circus-sized heated tent and they’ve got a lineup that should help you forget what’s on the menu:
It’s outside the Parkside Pub in Huntley. Click here for directions, here for tickets and here for the chartered bus routes. That’s right. BUS ROUTES. Hopefully that’s how all the wobblers are getting home.
Happy Thanksgiving and let’s get nuts!
P.S. If you want to see the pictures from this hot battered mess, like Too White Crew on Facebook!
It’s like we won the NYE show lottery. Yeah, we’re from Chicago and we love our city and all but a change of scenery every once in a while is a good way to throw the scent off those pesky parole officers. And if we have to leave our kickass city behind on New Years Eve, it better be for something like this:
The Bud Light Platinum New Year’s Eve Masquerade Ball in Indianapolis is a giant party – as in 2500-people-sell-this-thang-out-erry-year giant. This is the 8th annual party for the company who puts it on (holla Blue Ink Marketing!) and the’ve got it dialed in. It’s at the Union Station, which happens to be attached to the Crowne Plaza Hotel downtown. And that’s pretty dayum convenient since that’s about as far as you’ll make it when this party’s over.
So it’s THREE biga$$ parties in one: There’s the Iron Horse Lounge featuring the “Acoustic” stage and three acts that fill it; the Illinois St. Ballroom where P3 Productions loads up the DJs for the night and then the Grand Hall where Too White Crew will regulate from 10p-1a. 99.5 WZPL will also be awl up in this thang, and they don’t even KNOW what’s about to hit em. That’s right, we’re talkin’ to you, Nikki, Toni and Dave.
But that’s not all. They’re next-leveling this beeotch with roaming magicians, psychics, face painters, caricature artists…and a photo booth to remind you later that the whole thing wasn’t a hallucination.
There’s a wide range of attire from black tie to club wear. Wearing a mask is optional but it really helps to have one so you can do stupid shit all night and not necessarily be accountable. They even sell masks at the party for five bucks…although we hear they sell out of them every year, presumably because people who get there without one soon realize, “Wow, I’d really not like to be recognized when these shots kick in.”
The party goes from 8:30pm – 2:00am. VIP tickets are $110 and VIP with dinner is $169. Click here for ticket info! It typically sells out somewhere before NYE so don’t wait till they gone an’ sheeeeeit!
That’s how many days it takes to get Lukulos‘ beer nuggets out of your system. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a rite of passage to subsist off beer nuggets during your stay at NIU. It’s basically a step up from Ramen Noodles but it lasts longer – in every way. One giant grease-stained brown bag of these fried artery shockers will soak up every ounce of alcohol like a ShamWow. So we introduced David Da Legend Ingram to DeKalb’s most potent crack and he’s lost two inches of his vertical jump ever since the incident.
But I digress. So Saturday night we slid up to Austin’s in Libertyville. And I do mean slid. The roads were covered in ice and the 45 minute trip from the City took three hours. Super fun way to start the night. Just when we resolved ourselves to it being a shitty turn out due to the weather, we were reminded of the party ethic in the Eight Fo Seven. Wow. Not even an ice storm from Elsa herself was going to stop these hellions. So the capacity crowd at Austin’s got regulated:
Next stop is Fitz’s Spare Keys in Elmhurst this Friday, 11/21 and HOME Bar in Arlington Heights Saturday 11/22. For more shows after that, click right huuuuurr. And if you’re not tightened up with us on social media, hit us up on FB and at @toowhitecrew on Instagram & Twitter, where we post all kinds of shizzle that doesn’t make it on tha ‘Book.