We’ve survived a lot of shit in our 12 years together, not the least of which has been roughly 50 nights in Peoria, but honestly I’m a little scared of this next Crusens show this Saturday, Dec. 6th because each of the following leads to doing more stupid shit than usual in Peoria. And we’re already at the maximum allowed by law. Allow me to break it down:
1) It’s the 7th annual Booty Shake World Championships. This is serious stuff. If we weren’t so respectful of all things holy, we’d call it a twerk contest these days. But’s it’s not. It’s a damn booty shake contest. In fact, we’re so militant about this contest’s honor that last year, the title belt was withheld because our officiant Big D, in conjunction with the crowd, determined NO contestant emerged as having the most superior posterior. So the belt has been idle for one year and is being retrieved from our safety deposit box at Chase, because we chase what matters. Which is world class booty. So if you have one, bring it to Crusens. If you win, you get a crisp hunnit dolla bill, the title belt for one year, mad bragging rights and the right to defend your title at the 2015 championships. Here’s a lil video to get you ready.
2) It’s PopTart’s birthday. This little pistol can tilt a fo’ty like it’s her Jay Oh Bee. Oh wait. It kinda is. So be a pal and tilt one back with her.
3) It’s our 12 year anniversary. Normally we would have this party at Joe’s on Weed St, which is where it all began, but our Joe’s show isn’t until January, so what better place to celebrate our dirty dozen years years together than at our home away from home, P-town.
4) Boone’s Farm Jello Shots. This is where the pain sets in. Strawberry Hill Jello Shots are all the rage…in our minds. In fact, we invented this nightmare-in-a-cup and we can’t wait to see how bad of an idea this really is.
5) All the usual suspects will be on hand: Big D, DJ McFly, Power 92.3, our own David Da Legend Ingram, P-tugz and maybe even our Extremely Worthless Posse or a couple spare Fly Girls will show up to fill in some seats on the Blue Bomb.
6) The after party. Because it wouldn’t be Peoria without a trip downtown to risk a disco ball falling on us and some life-threatening late night food. So we’ll see you at Berlin, and then, well, you know.
7) To wrap this all up in a nice little bow, we took Friday night off so we can rack up the sleep that we will not get Saturday night. We also took next weekend off, which should help us wrestle Peoria’s time-release hangovers.
It’s like we won the NYE show lottery. Yeah, we’re from Chicago and we love our city and all but a change of scenery every once in a while is a good way to throw the scent off those pesky parole officers. And if we have to leave our kickass city behind on New Years Eve, it better be for something like this:
The Bud Light Platinum New Year’s Eve Masquerade Ball in Indianapolis is a giant party – as in 2500-people-sell-this-thang-out-erry-year giant. This is the 8th annual party for the company who puts it on (holla Blue Ink Marketing!) and they’ve got it dialed in. It’s at the Union Station, which happens to be attached to the Crowne Plaza Hotel downtown. And that’s awfully convenient since that’s about as far as you’ll make it when this party’s over.
So it’s THREE biga$$ parties in one: There’s the Iron Horse Lounge featuring the “Acoustic” stage and three acts that fill it; the Illinois St. Ballroom where P3 Productions loads up the DJs for the night and then the Grand Hall where Too White Crew will regulate from 10p-1a.
But that’s not all. They’re next-leveling this beeotch with roaming magicians, psychics, face painters, caricature artists…and a photo booth to remind you later that the whole thing wasn’t a hallucination.
There’s a wide range of attire from black tie to club wear. Wearing a mask is optional but it really helps to have one so you can do stupid shit all night and not necessarily be accountable. They even sell masks at the party for five bucks…although we hear they sell out of them every year, presumably because people who get there without one soon realize, “Wow, I’d really not like to be recognized when these shots kick in.”
The party goes from 8:30pm – 2:00am. VIP tickets are $110 and VIP with dinner is $169. Click here for ticket info! It typically sells out somewhere in the last two weeks of December so don’t wait till they gone an’ sheeeeeit!
The 32nd annual Turkey Testicle Festival in Huntley, IL is back this Wednesday and it’s sure to be as gross…and as packed…as ever. This isn’t just a festival name designed for shock value. They serve balls. Fried turkey balls. $5 for a cup of them if you must know. And this “one night only” Black Wednesday ballfest has attracted thousands of people every year for 32 years now.
I’d like to think it’s because of the entertainment or maybe because people are looking for any reason to dodge batshit crazy relatives who came home for the holiday…not because they’re jonesin’ for fowl nuts. But it looks like I’m wrong because they order 1200 POUNDS of this nastiness and it snot because they throw it away at the end of the night. People are EATING THIS SHIT.
Whatever the reason, people come to this thing from all over and they booze themselves silly. Probably to help choke down those golden brown, deep fried turkey testicles. Check out the pics from the last time we balled there. See what I did there?
So anyway, here’s the dealio.
It’s an all day thing in a circus-sized heated tent and they’ve got a lineup that should help you forget what’s on the menu:
It’s outside the Parkside Pub in Huntley. Click here for directions, here for tickets and here for the chartered bus routes. That’s right. BUS ROUTES. Hopefully that’s how all the wobblers are getting home.
Happy Thanksgiving and let’s get nuts!
P.S. If you want to see the pictures from this hot battered mess, like Too White Crew on Facebook!
That’s how many days it takes to get Lukulos‘ beer nuggets out of your system. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a rite of passage to subsist off beer nuggets during your stay at NIU. It’s basically a step up from Ramen Noodles but it lasts longer – in every way. One giant grease-stained brown bag of these fried artery shockers will soak up every ounce of alcohol like a ShamWow. So we introduced David Da Legend Ingram to DeKalb’s most potent crack and he’s lost two inches of his vertical jump ever since the incident.
But I digress. So Saturday night we slid up to Austin’s in Libertyville. And I do mean slid. The roads were covered in ice and the 45 minute trip from the City took three hours. Super fun way to start the night. Just when we resolved ourselves to it being a shitty turn out due to the weather, we were reminded of the party ethic in the Eight Fo Seven. Wow. Not even an ice storm from Elsa herself was going to stop these hellions. So the capacity crowd at Austin’s got regulated:
Next stop is Fitz’s Spare Keys in Elmhurst this Friday, 11/21 and HOME Bar in Arlington Heights Saturday 11/22. For more shows after that, click right huuuuurr. And if you’re not tightened up with us on social media, hit us up on FB and at @toowhitecrew on Instagram & Twitter, where we post all kinds of shizzle that doesn’t make it on tha ‘Book.
Last Friday night at Nevin’s blew our minds. We had one of our best crowds yet, and street talk’s been that we actually pulled in more peeps than Vanilla Ice the week before. Thank you, Plainfield! You guys rock.
This weekend, we’ve got even more crazy comin’ atcha!
NIU better be ready for us. We’re hittin’ Rosy’s Roadhouse to help them throw a bomb-ass 90s throwback party. Miller Lite & Coors Lite are bringin’ the hook up with $3 Miller Lites and $9.99 40 oz beers at the bar. The crew is looking forward to some post-show beer nuggets and crashing the usual frat parties…
No cover before 9:00pm. Our intro hits at 10:30, after a couple of our DJ homies rock your faces with some insane EDM hip hop.
Let’s not forget where we’re gonna be to celebrate our survival on Saturday night. Austin’s Fuel Room is gonna feel the bass. This is one of our favorites, because Libertyville knows how to throw down like something we ain’t ever seen. You need the evidence? Check it here! …or even more HERE!
Doors are at 9:30, and we’ll hit the stage at, on, or around 10:00pm. Just get your drink on while you wait for the party to start – that’s what I’ll be doin’ anyway.
Make sure you follow or tag us on Instagram/Twitter (@toowhitecrew / #toowhitecrew….duh). We’ll be puttin’ up some backstage awesomeness not safe for Facebook.
Also, I’m still in temporary “Facebook Jail.” I’m always up for some new banter on either outlet. (Instagram: @poptarts6 / Twitter: @poptart_SaraK)
Please keep in mind that while you may be buyin’ rounds of fo’ties @ Rosy’s, the duct tape is not included. Bring your own, and use at your own risk. **Too White Crew is NOT responsible for any poor decision making after consuming stupid amounts of alcohol… OR for simply being in college, and assuming you’re invincible because you’re parents aren’t there to tell you that you’re not.
Yes, I’m talking to YOU. We’ve all already been there.
Hah! Juuuuuust kidding, but it’d be pretty sweet if that happened right?
What’s really goin’ on? THIS FRI. 11/7 @ 10PM Nevin’s in Plainfield is throwin’ down a dose of Old Skool hip hop for all our suburbanite homies. We’ll have enough Boones Farm, MadDog 20/20, and booty shakin’ to go around; and even though the bar won’t necessarily be serving out large amounts of Colt 45, I’ll gladly share some of my 40 in anyone’s cup who asks nicely. That’s just how I roll.
Doors are at 8PM, but I heard that the Bulls hit the court at 6PM, and what better place to watch the game?
Make sure you follow us on Instagram and Twitter (@toowhitecrew) before the weekend. You’ll get some pretty crazy behind the scenes updates that aren’t shown on Facebook or our website. We like to include all our peeps in the “play-by-play club.”
Has it been Monday all day? Really?! WHERE DID THE WEEKEND GO?!
I literally woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday.
After such a crazy Holiday weekend, full of celebratory shot-taking and 40 chugging, maybe this whole hydration thing wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I mean, my insides are probably way more than ready for a shock to the system.
Thursday @ Skooters was a mind-blowing, awesome surprise for us. The country bar totally took a chance on bringing in a hip hop band, and we got to party with some really awesome people. You can even check the pics from the show already – we couldn’t wait to share our night out in Shorewood with the world. It was that awesome.
What better way to recover from Thursday night, than to spend Friday @ 115 Bourbon St? Over 2,000 people came to join Chicago’s craziest Halloween party, and Too White Crew was privileged enough to be a part of it. The costumes were in-sane!!! I had a blast getting to help host the costume contest, just to see some of them up close – everyone put so much effort into it. WERK! They’ve actually posted some of the venue’s pics from the night HERE. We are still cruisin’ through ours to see which aren’t too incriminating… With all the booze flown’ as hard as it was, I honestly can’t wait to see these; but I also don’t wanna get anyone in trouble.
Saturday and Sunday were just total vodka-blurs for me. Bloody Marys for brunch and Fireballs for dinner. Lunchtime is obviously nap time. So yeah! It’s time for some real fluids and water.
I’ve lost track of how many years we’ve played this party but I know a Bush was President. I’ve seen a metric ton of halloween parties and I can’t think of any annual Halloween party that holds a creepy candelabra to this one.
This blog is mostly for people who have either never been to Bourbon on Halloween or been to Bourbon at all. For starters, the place is bigger than Nicki Minaj’s ass. I’m pretty sure back in the day it used to be a Handy Andy. There is so much shit going on it’s almost hard to get your bearings straight, especially if you’re mainlining liquor, like E V E R Y PERSON there does. Like it’s their Jay Oh Bee.
And I’m not even talking about their halloween party yet. That’s just the average weekend night at Bourbon. So about the party. The most important thing you need to know is don’t show up at 10:00 thinking you’ll moonwalk right in, so get there early. If you get stuck in the line, just remind yourself there’s NOTHING else going on within black cat swinging distance. It’s worth it. Mix some distilled love into a Big Gulp cup or some shit to keep you busy.
Bourbon goes all out for this party and so do the people (check out the costumes!) hoping to win the trip for two to Mexico or one of the phat cash runner up prizes ($1000 for 2nd, $500 for 3rd and $250 for 4th). The costumes range from original to lame, hysterical to insensitive, smokin’ hot to “wow you really shouldn’t wear that”. You will see it all.
Too White Crew will be in the big room, performing up until the costume contest starts, then DJ Shawn Edwards takes over. Dick Diamond and the Dusters will be on the dopeass new stage up front and Hillbilly Rockstarz & DJ Gator will be in the Fireball Saloon. All other acts are hallucinations.
AND it’s on a weekend this year? This one’s gonna leave a marky mark.
The weekend seriously can’t come soon enough. I don’t know about anyone else, but my week has been a rough one! I mean, Facebook has temporarily canceled my account because they don’t believe that “PopTart” is my name! …WHAAAAAAAT?! I’ve been feeling SO disconnected from the world – like, everyone has a big inside joke that I don’t get to be a part of; that’s in spite of still hanging on my Instagram & Twitter. Those things aren’t nearly the same! SHUCKS!!
I am SO ready for the weekend the crew’s got planned. BRING IT ON!!!
This Thurs. 10/30 (that’s tomorrow) is our first time partying at Skooter’s in Shorewood, IL. We’ve heard some awesome things about this place, and really can’t wait to break it in. It’s also Halloween, so we’re hoping that all of our friends from that area are just as ready as we are to partake in “pre-game Thursday.” Yup…that’s a thing I just created for your partying pleasure.
We hit the stage at 8:30pm after we threw a few back to warm up.
Then, this Fri. 10/31 is HALLOWEEN!
Too White Crew is raging in the big room at 115 Bourbon St for their annual Halloween Bash! This is the place to be no matter where in Chicagoland you are. It’s that big. 2000+ people every year can’t be wrong! And if you didn’t know before, you do now. We’re hitting the stage @ 10PM and don’t stop til they tell us it’s time for the costume contest – for which, by the way, they are giving out some freakin’ awesome prizes:
BEST COSTUME wins a TRIP FOR 2 TO MEXICO!!!
2nd Place wins $1000
3rd Place wins $500
4th Place wins $250
I am personally super stoked for tomorrow and Friday, because I clearly just need to feel like I’m a part of the human race again. Ay yi yi!
But seriously, we are about to take things over. Keep up with all the behind the scene shenanigans on Instagram & Twitter (@toowhitecrew). These are usually a little too crazy to add to tha ‘book.