A 2015 Guide to Reconstructing Your Life After a Bender
After many years of doing shows almost every weekend and processing hundreds of FUBAR-fueled stories of bad decisions, we have recently taken some of our time on the road to put together this handy guide to pulling out of a death spiral stemming from a night of irresponsible drinking.
This is Bender Damage Control 101 in the age of social media. Pay attention people:
1. Before you even get out of bed, grab your phone, crack an eye, fight the blinding screen and dig in. You’ve got work to do. A smarter person would have started this process last night before you passed out, but if you got wrecked proper, you should be lucky you even made it home with your phone, let alone be in any condition to see the screen and launch apps.
2. Go through call logs & texts, FB, Instagram, and Snapchat. Untag like it’s your job. Because right now, you hopefully still have one.
3. Cry it out. Better now than later when you’re on the phone trying to defend your recklessness to others.
4. Check phone for photos and videos. Delete that shit. Then delete your “Recently Deleted” folder on your iPhone. Didn’t know about that one? You’re welcome.
5. Morning calls to others in an attempt to piece together what happened are ill advised. No one wants to talk yet. Just sit by your scared self and think about what you’ve done. Make calls after noon. Plus you don’t have enough info yet to talk to anyone.
6. Now you can tend to stomach pains and your headache.
10. Church up if you can get out of the house. It’s not that we’re bent on religion as a way out of your mess, but it can’t hurt.
11. Time to call the friends you were with last night. Start the conversation with, “Hey what’s up?” Then shut up and listen.
12. Deny and demand proof.