Oh boyee, we’re just jiggly with excitement. First of all, and most importantly, let’s talk booty. The 5th Annual Booty Shake World Championships are being held at our show Saturday, December 8th in Peoria. How does it work? At every TWC show, we have a Booty Shake Contest and anyone who has ever won one of our contests gets a berth into the Championships. The winner goes home with the title belt, keeps it for a year and returns the following year to defend her title.
Why Peoria? Well, the first two Championships were held in Chicago, but we noticed a disturbing trend — disturbing if you have Chi pride that is: Just about every Booty Shake winner from any show in Peoria would have mopped the stage with anyone in the finals in Chicago. Believe us when we say it is bittersweet to report that finding, being from Chicago and all. But we gotta give credit where credit it due, and it’s due. Word to Peoria…and to whatever you’re doing down there to breed world class ass.
So we moved it to P-town three years ago and the finals have been just dandy — truly worthy of a “World Championship”. We’d put up these finalists’ backsides against any booty shakin’ vids you can find on YouTube. Peoria’s own “Big D”, formerly of KISS-FM will again be driving from Michigan to officiate this mess. This is must see TWC. Get there early cuz it’s gonna get butts to nuts fast.
As always, Crusens has mad drink specials and the party continues on downtown when we’ve made a big enough mess of Crusens.
For starters, we’re at the Tilted Kilt in Elgin Friday, and it’s probably gonna Storm, and by Storm, we mean this guy:
We don’t know who he is…or if he’ll even be there for sure, but he hasn’t missed a Kilt show of ours yet, so it’s an odds-on favorite he’ll make a cameo with his extra fly white leather dancing shoes.
Tilted. Kilt. Staff. Uniforms. There. We said it.
Then we say our prayers as we head down to Peoria for our annual show at the Riverfront Saturday night. It’s an all ages show (8-11PM), which old school TWC fans in the P take seriously. We’ve been dropping our lyrical bombs in Ptroit for 8 years now so a lot of Peorians treat this show as a way to anoint their lower case G’s and give them points toward their hood card.
As for the show itself, KISS-FM is all up in it, we’re bringing new tunes, lobbing in our new “Brass Funkies” horn section…AND the forecast shows a bleeding sun icon for Saturday, so that oughtta end our 3-year run of armageddon weather threats.
The prayers come into play because when we’re done at 11, we take our forty-logged asses over to Crusens on the Pharm for an annual “let’s-drink-our-faces-off-together-as-a-band” night. And because it’s the first time our Brass Funkies are in town with us, they’ve got a lot of catching up to do. We’ve talked a lot of shit to them about the madness that is Peoria. Now we’ve gotta back that thang up.
But that’s not all. Peorians know that Blackout Saturdays don’t end at Crusens. That’s only where the hook gets set. The real damage comes from the downtown after after party, allowing Crusens’ work to set in like an alcoholic rigor mortis. Our Brass Funkies are going to need to get Primed. Then to make sure we endure the maximum amount of hearing loss in one night, we’ll make a stop at SOP’s where our friends Rock U will be showing off their trick of moving bottles off the bar using only their Marshall stacks.
If all goes well — or terribly wrong, depending on which part of the body is near the toilet, there will either be a visit to (“push-one-through-the”) Hoops Pizza, or better yet, Richards, where the true 309 miscreants lurk until the sun is directly above the town. Just please keep us from breaking into the kitchen at Crusens at 6AM again. We always seem to forget that we can’t microwave uncooked, frozen chicken nuggets as an appetizer while we wait for the fryers to heat up. “Can I get you some bar-be-que sauce with that salmonella?”